Talking about thoughts and feelings: what Cambridge research says about children's social understanding

"Why do you think she said that?" "I wonder if he was worried." "You thought the box had sweets in it — but it was empty!" Sentences like these are so ordinary we barely notice them. Researchers at the University of Cambridge have spent years studying them — and finding that they matter.

Who is behind the research

The University of Cambridge's Centre for Family Research was founded in 1966 (under another name) by Martin Richards and Joanna Ryan, and has studied family life and child development ever since. It is now called the Centre for Child, Adolescent and Family Research, within the Department of Psychology.

One of its leading researchers, Claire Hughes, Professor of Developmental Psychology, studies how young children come to understand other people's minds. Her "Toddlers Up" study followed 140 children from the age of 2 to 6, filming them with their mothers, siblings and friends, and is described in her book Social Understanding and Social Lives (2011).

The key idea: understanding other minds

Psychologists call it theory of mind: understanding that other people have thoughts, beliefs and feelings — and that these can be different from our own. It is what lets a child realise that a friend might be sad even if they themselves are happy, or that someone can believe something that isn't true. It develops gradually through early childhood and keeps growing after that.

What the research found

• Connected conversation matters. In a study of 120 families with 2-year-olds, Ensor and Hughes (2008) found that mothers' connected turns — replies that build on what the child just said — and the references to thoughts and feelings within them were linked to children's social understanding at ages 2 to 4.
• The link lasts. In a follow-up, mothers' references to thinking and knowing when their children were 2 predicted the children's theory of mind at ages 6 and 10, even after taking verbal ability into account (Ensor, Devine, Marks & Hughes, 2014).
• Talk is what stands out. In a study of 117 preschoolers followed over 13 months, Devine and Hughes (2019) found that parents' "mental talk" — words about thoughts and feelings — predicted children's later understanding of false beliefs, while other parental qualities they measured did not.
• Families matter, modestly. A meta-analysis of 93 studies (Devine & Hughes, 2018) found modest links between children's understanding of other minds and several family factors, including siblings and parents' talk about mental states.

These are correlational and longitudinal studies, mostly of British families and mostly with mothers. The links are real but modest — talk is one ingredient among many.

What it means at your table

• Use thinking and feeling words. "I think", "I wonder", "she wanted", "he didn't know" — they cost nothing.
• Build on what your child says. Answer their topic before changing it.
• Talk about other people's perspectives in stories, films and everyday events: "How do you think the teacher felt?"
• Enjoy misunderstandings. "You thought I meant the other Tom!" is a small lesson in how minds differ.

How it shapes the Kalmdix method

• Feelings and intentions in play. In Feelings detective, players guess the feeling behind a tiny story; in Switch sides, everyone argues the other person's point of view.
• Connected conversation as a habit. Ask follow-up questions and Listen when someone speaks are about building on what the other person just said.
• Noticing others. Notice feelings asks children to name how someone seems to feel — as a question, because we can't be sure what is in someone else's mind.
• Siblings included. Games give brothers and sisters turns to talk to and about each other, not just to the adults.

Sources

• Centre for Family Research, University of Cambridge — History. cfr.cam.ac.uk
• Ensor, R., & Hughes, C. (2008). Content or connectedness? Mother–child talk and early social understanding. Child Development, 79(1), 201–216. Abstract
• Ensor, R., Devine, R. T., Marks, A., & Hughes, C. (2014). Mothers' cognitive references to 2-year-olds predict theory of mind at ages 6 and 10. Child Development, 85(3), 1222–1235. Summary
• Devine, R. T., & Hughes, C. (2018). Family correlates of false belief understanding in early childhood: A meta-analysis. Child Development, 89(3), 971–987. Repository
• Devine, R. T., & Hughes, C. (2019). Let's talk: Parents' mental talk (not mind-mindedness or mindreading capacity) predicts children's false belief understanding. Child Development, 90(4), 1236–1253. Repository
• Hughes, C. (2011). Social Understanding and Social Lives: From Toddlerhood through to the Transition to School. Psychology Press. Publisher

Kalmdix is independent. The University of Cambridge is not a partner of Kalmdix and has not evaluated it. This article summarises published research in our own words — read the sources for the full picture.

Frequently asked questions

What is theory of mind in children?

Theory of mind is the understanding that other people have their own thoughts, beliefs and feelings, which can differ from ours. It develops gradually through early childhood and keeps growing afterwards.

How can parents help children understand other people's feelings?

Research by Claire Hughes and colleagues at Cambridge links parents' everyday talk about thoughts and feelings, and replies that build on what the child just said, to children's later social understanding. The links are modest but consistent.